yep, that's me. 

Wal Mart, because it's a terrrible company. 

 Really WTF is wrong with me? I watched Letters to Juliet today with my mom for her birthday (side note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEAUTIFUL AMAZING MOTHER!) anyway I've been trying to just ignore my loneliness and worthlessness but stupid romances like that just make it all surface again. I'm super emotional lately, probably thanks to my new birth control. 
I hate being single. I always thought that I'm the kind of girl who doesn't need a man to make me happy. But fuck, it's getting old. I like to think that I'm at least a little bit cute. And I have a steady job and a decent car and I go to college and I have ambition and I'm funny and I'm smart and pretty philanthropic, at least in comparison to the majority of my peers and I make really good lasagna and I always swallow and I can carry extensive conversations about various topics, including but not limited to basketball, rappers, politics, and religion. Like, someone in this world must find that appealing enough to ask me out. Seriously.

Who uses LJ? I miss blogging out my mind. I don't even keep a real, legit, non-internet journal because I don't have time/patience. Anyway~

My life lately had felt wonderful. The group of friends I have right now will (hopefully) be the group I grow old and die with. When we grow up and get married our children will be best friends and then their children will be friends. I just can't imagine my life without them.

Yesterday I went to Sea World with my parents. I love spending the day with my mom and dad. Aside from Bubbie and my cousin Kaycee, my parents are all I've got. It's crazy, for a family so big (I have sixteen cousins on my dad's side, and I don't have the patience to sit her and count my second cousins), I can't identify with many of them. Do I love them? Of course, with all my heart. It's just that I always feel like an outsider at family events because I have literally nothing in common with the majority of my family.
Anyway, Sea World was just a really nice way to spend a good day with mom and dad. They're fantastic. <3

After dinner last night Blake came over and then we went to see Cop Out with McKenzie and JB. It's funny for the sake of being funny. Then we all went back to McKenzie's after for some beers and Chelsea came over and brought me a panda bear for my birthday (a month late, because she wanted to find "the perfect present"... I love my friends.)


TODAY'S PLANS: English until noon-ish and then Satellite/Cocoa beach (depending on how we feel) with McKenzie, Chelsea, JB, Matt, Blake, and Geoff. Raeanne and her BF Jeffrey are going to Cocoa and I really wish there wasn't so much stupid drama so that everyone could just hang out and be happy like last spring break. I guess nothing will ever compare to last spring break, though, because it was PERFECT.
Currently preparing Margaritas to be consumed on the beach in a few hours and finishing up this essay that's due in thirty minutes.

Friday morning my cousin Mark died. Technically he was my second cousin, but that doesn't make it any less painful. He died of pancreatic cancer way too young at 58 years old. I flew out to New Jersey the next morning and this afternoon I attended his funeral and then we had another service at the cemetery. We also had a small mourning service at his house tonight. Mark was a wonderful person. He fought the cancer for the past nine months, but my memories of him will always be how he was so full of life and so funny and smart and kind and happy. I know people always say this, but Mark really was special. I still can't believe he is gone.

I'm not crying because I feel so sorry for you, I'm crying for me

Tuesday, December 1, 2009 will always be one of the greatest nights and one of my favorite memories. I went with Meghan (she got to MEET Chris Brown, but I'm so jealous that we won't talk about it). I've never in my life seen House of Blues that packed, and we were as close to the front as physically possible. New Boyz opened, and I never realized I was a New Boyz fan until I saw them. I always thought they were alright, but now I'm downloading every song by them as we speak :) After New Boyz the thirty minutes it took for Chris Brown to come out felt like the longest thirty minutes of my life. And his hour long set felt like two and a half minutes. It was incredible from beginning to end. He opened with I Can Transform Ya and closed with Forever (which he dedicated to an 8 year old boy who died recently.. it was first song he had ever bought on iTunes♥). In between he did Gimme That, Glow in the Dark, Goodbye, No Air, With You, Run It, Kiss Kiss, Drop It Low, and of course TAKE YOU DOWN. I know I'm also forgetting a bunch but you get the point. I was just happy that he played my three favorite songs by him. I remember being sixteen and I had first started driving and Run It came on the radio and that's when I fell in love, I don't know why. I think I associate that song with feelings of independence and excitement. Kiss Kiss is just the most fun song ever. Meghan and I play it all the time. And, strangely enough, it reminds me of Patrick. I think because I used to listen to it on my way to his house all the time and when I made him "I'm Sorry" cupcakes I made one with 2 fishes on and it said "KISS KISS". And as for why Take You Down was so important to me, this is all you need:


OHMYGOD. Except when I saw it on Tuesday, his shirt was off the entire time and he was much more... realistic about it. And obviously the stage wasn't moving and there was no need for the harnesses. And when I saw it two girls got trampled because he threw his shirt into the audience.





CHRIS BROWN FAN APPRECIATION TOUR WAS THE BEST NIGHT EVER!!!

I haven't posted or logged on to LJ in so long. It feels like I'm branching away from the internet. I think I log onto a real computer maybe once I week, with the exception of when I'm working but hey I don't exactly get on FB when I'm at work. It's such a good thing though, I feel like I am truly connecting with people and I have such good relationships with my friends and family right now. Boys are still a complete joke but in all honesty my main focus is improving myself. I think that once I'm happier with who I am everything else will fall into place.
I am so looking forward to graduating from college and getting a real job (who knows whether I'll get a 'real' job at Whole Foods or somewhere else, but that doesn't really matter right now). I'm getting a headache just thinking about those college bills I'll have to pay once I graduate and I still have three years. I know leaving public community college and transfering into a private art school wasn't exactly the cheapest route, but I know that the good definitely outnumbers the bad for me. I appreciate the smaller classes and the teaching methods of my professors. And as stressful as school can be I still think I might go on to get my masters degree so I can be a super ultra genius at Marketing. I love learning.
I miss writing and reading for pleasure; I barely have time to finish writing and reading that I have to complete for school. I have all these ideas just swimming around in my brain and I can't wait to let them out. 

Anway. I'm thinking of moving to Texas. I have no reason to move to Texas, I've never even been there. But how fun would that be? I'd be leaving everything I know. It would be such an adventure! My brain is telling me to stay here and keep doing my thing, but my heart is tell me to GTFO and grow up. I'd ask for your opinion but that's not exactly the point is it?